Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us."
And God said, "I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."
And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal." An God said, "I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."
And God said, "I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration."
Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about eleven (11) things they did not and will not learn in school.
He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.
Rule 1 : Life is not fair - get used to it!
Rule 2 : The world doesn't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss
Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it “opportunity.”
Rule 6 : If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 7 : Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 8 : Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. *This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9 : Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. *Do that on your own time.
Rule 10 : Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Rule 11 : Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
It would seem that there are a lot of people - grown adults - who still want to claim to have issues with their mother.
Feeling left out, I have decided to have issues with my own mother. I didn't have to look too hard to find them. And when I did, I sat down and wrote her the following letter:
You were always, always there for me. Even when it wasn't convenient for you. Even when you had to make huge sacrifices to do so.
You went without so that I could have things that I took for granted.
You always had the strength to look out for my best interest. And the resilience to withstand the hateful words that I would spit back at you for doing so.
No matter what I did - how evil or how stupid - you still supported me. You could have smacked me in the head, but you didn't. You hugged me and helped me through it.
You forgave me when I was mean to you.
You held me when I brought pain upon myself.
You took my side when it seemed the whole world was against me.
You listened to me. And sympathized even when it was the same mistake I had made for the billionth time.
You did things that you weren't crazy about doing just so that I could enjoy doing them.
You believed in me even when I was lacking. You encouraged me to find strength within myself.
You gave me confidence. And you taught me how to be able to strive to be better, without thinking less of myself.
You taught me how to turn any negative into a positive.
You always gave me your honest opinion. You had faith that we could work out any differences we might have.
You always loved me, no matter what I had done to hurt you.
You gave me life.
You provided for me.
You supported me.
You stood at my side.
You fought for me.
You gave me strength.
So you see, I too, have issues with you, Momma.
The issue being that I'm not sure I deserve all you have done for me.
You're not only the best mother, you're also the best friend anyone could have.
I appreciate having you in my life.
And I love you.
My most sincere and heartfelt condolences to the Millan Family. Daddy was the true Pack Leader!
Pictured: TGR, Jr. & TGR, III (circa 1945)
I received the following from my father today:
"T G R, Jr. 11 Nov 1916 (would have been 93 today)
didn't finish high school.....a little thing like the Great Depression came along when he was 12... and he worked
drove to California from Virginia in a Model T Ford and back ...when he was about 18... (the equivalent of a round the world adventure today)
served in the Navy during WWII.... didn't deploy overseas
paid off his mortgage.....
never got his GED ... yet provided for his family, we all got through college....and left an estate for his wife and family
a father, grandfather and great grandfather...."
I miss you, Granddaddy!
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?"
The girl said "NO!"
And she lived happily ever-after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, traveled more, had many lovers, didn't save money, and had all the hot water to herself. She went to the theater, never watched sports, never wore friggin' lacy lingerie that went up her rear, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in sweat pants and was pleasant all the time.
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
A new two-year degree is being offered at the University of Michigan that many of you should be interested in: “Becoming A Real Man/Husband.” That’s right, in just six trimesters, you, too, can be a real man – as well as earn an AA degree (AA Real Man.) Please take a moment to look over the program outline.
MEN 101 Combating Stupidity
MEN 102 You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103 PMS – Learn When To Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings For Christmas
MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4am
MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn’t End with Conception
EAT 100 Get A Life, Learn to Cook
EAT 101 Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECO 001A What’s Hers is Hers
MEN 120 How NOT to Act Like an Idiot When You’re Wrong
MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122 YOU, the Weaker Sex
MEN 123 Reasons to Give Flowers
ECO 001B What Was Yours is Hers
SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep Without It
SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It’s Awake, Take a Shower
SEX 103 How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 201 How to Put the Toilet Seat Down
Elective (See Electives Below)
MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211 How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
MEN 213 Honest, You Don’t Look Like Tom Cruise
MEN 230A Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important
MEN 220 Omitting !@#$ from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 221 Fluffing the Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary
MEN 222 Real Men Ask for Directions
MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important II
EAT 101 Cooking with Tofu
EAT 102 Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103 Burping and Belching Discretely
MEN 231 Mothers-In-Law
MEN 232 Appear to Be Listening
MEN 233 Just Say “Yes, dear”
ECO 001C Cheaper to Keep Her
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found. So he drives the farmer’s Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and the horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, “I think I can stand over the hole!” So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, “Grab my ‘thingy’ and pull yourself up.”
And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don’t need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.
Then he became the stone, more powerful than anything else on earth. But as he stood there, he heard the sound of a hammer pounding a chisel into the solid rock, and felt himself being changed. "What could be more powerful than I, the stone?" he thought. He looked down and saw far below him the figure of a stonecutter.
From the book "The Tao of Pooh" by Benjamin Hoff.
...I always honour my Uncle Frankie, who taught me to remember not only the soldiers, but the silent heroes, as well.
In honour of King:
Charles Frank Stevens with his scout dog King #72M4 were on patrol ahead of a unit of about 90 men who were following a map that had been found on an enemy officer. Twice King stopped and laid down on the trail in front of his handler and growled. Twice Stevens praised his dog until King got up and moved forward. The third time King left he did not return. The men were ready to go down a hill, when Stevens heard rustling off to the side. Stevens followed the noise and saw King pulling a North Vietnamese soldier out of a ditch. He had the man by the neck and was shaking him. Stevens started firing at the other men in the ditch and at that point "the whole world blew up". Machine gun fire ripped through the jungle killing King and wounding Stevens and his slack man. Stevens reported that his dog, "in his act of bravery (he) saved my life and the lives of countless others..."
Thank you, Uncle Frankie. I love you!
Priam: You're still my enemy tonight. But even enemies can show respect.
From the movie "Troy" starring Brad Pitt as Achilles and Peter O'Toole as Priam.
by Jimmy Buffett